40 Week EVICTION NOTICE

Eviction Notice

November 16, 2011

Dear Baby Kendall,

            You are hereby served the papers for eviction from your mother's womb. You have occupied said space for almost 40 weeks with no signs of change. In that time you have been a fairly easy-going and kind tenant: the noise and aggravation have consistently been at a minimum for a tenant of your size and stature. However, there are many perks that you have also enjoyed, including: free heating and water, endless meals and openness to park your feet and limbs wherever you wanted. The reasons for eviction, effective immediately, are as follows:

             1. Original End of Lease: Your lease will end on November 18, 2011. The landlord knows you may need some more time to muster the strength for your journey to the new home and anticipated your move-out date to be one of the following: November 17, 18, or 19. Definitely before Thanksgiving but hopefully between November 20 and 22. 

       

             2. Cramped Quarters: While the landlord, your mother, insists that you seem to have more space now than ever, it is understood that your living quarters are only becoming more cramped with each ounce you gain. It is understood that you continue to collect "necessary" household items, such as: more fat, more brain power and more strength for the move, so you are being given a few extra days, but after that time you will need to vacate.

              3. Breech of Contract: You are being evicted due to a breech of contract and destruction of property. Expansions to the front of the house, within reasonable limits. were discussed and agreed upon with the landlords prior to occupation. Not only have these limits been exceeded, but additions to the back of the house were also made without prior consent. Remodeling and gutting of the home was never approved, nor was changing the initial layout and base structure. 

              4. Building maintenance: If you do not leave now, the landlord will need to make excessive concessions for building maintenance to keep the dwelling sound. Some of these punch list items are uncomfortable for both landlord and tenant. The mother is doing everything to coax you out before sending her doctor to come get you on Tuesday the 29th of November. Since said building will be occupied by another tenant somewhere in the future, the landlord is eager to begin maintenance, upkeep and significant renovations to the exterior.

              The parents would like to note, once again, that you have been a model tenant up until now. You have followed all of the house rules (within reason), minimally disturbed your landlady and have kept your mark to the interior and exterior of the building to a minimum. The landlords would like you to vacate the property within the day, but most certainly within the week. Due notice has been given and all leases have now ended.

               

               While the move will not be easy for tenant or for landlord, the Parents promise even better accommodations than before, with square footage beyond comprehension, warm meals every day and a warm and cozy environment. The Parents have also lowered your rent to smiles, chubby baby cheeks, and your status as "Child of Joe and Brittany Godfrey." The terms of your new lease: to be upheld by the parents, include but are not limited to: unconditional love, a healthy home, kisses and hugs and a family who will support you forever. 

Love, Your Landlords (Mom & Dad)